for a very very long time, i have been constantly bombarded between the two...
What is faith?
what is denial?
yesterday's visit with my medical oncologist has once again thrown me right into the turmoil of the two. Updated results show that CEA is still going up, the very indicator that i have been watching closely. So it is bad news, it was disheartening, after almost 4 months of intensive natural therapy, things are just not getting better, CA activities are somehow increasing.
So what now i asked?
denial will be easy! just believe in God, believe things will just get better, the result may not be 100% accurate anyway! is it right? abosolutely wrong, i have to drill this hard into myself!
Faith? this is tough, yet is the only light in tunnel. the lastest result means something else needs to be done, a different way, different regime, different method possibly... i am not too sure about it, but i'll find a way out! i mean there is defintely a way out. i'll keep trying, keep trying, keep trying!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Challenging Day ahead
It's 1 am now, i should be sleeping actually, then after coming back from my comapny's gathering , my boss gave some speech about work and achievements for the 1st half this year ... it is like we grown by how many %, and that by how many % etc etc.. understandably, i can't relate at all!!!
I choose to leave early the party, not becouse i feel bored, butbecause i need to come back home early, for the necessary doses, not mention it'll be another vist and discussion with my specialist ahead.
Well, on my way home, i was trying to recall some fond memories of the pass 6 months from the office, there are of course. i have identify a few people that's close to my heart, they are always there, always so kind to send their most genuine regards, i would like to think these people are true blessings anyone can get. And i am just so lucky to be constantly on their mind too.
I choose to leave early the party, not becouse i feel bored, butbecause i need to come back home early, for the necessary doses, not mention it'll be another vist and discussion with my specialist ahead.
Well, on my way home, i was trying to recall some fond memories of the pass 6 months from the office, there are of course. i have identify a few people that's close to my heart, they are always there, always so kind to send their most genuine regards, i would like to think these people are true blessings anyone can get. And i am just so lucky to be constantly on their mind too.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The new beginning
this is the new chapter, a brand new start, and at times i would feel like a new born.
and i have been waiting for far too long to have this started untill an old Pal, LK told me to start!
Half way through of 2008, recent meomories are all about health scares and imposible battles; and when circumstances like this fell on me, my thoughts and life perspective take the turns and continue towards a new direction, although i am not sure how it is going to be, somehow i can sense things will only be better from here.
some assurances for my dear friends, yes i am still strong! i believe my condition is stablising, couple with cyling (my new found hobby) and strict diets, things will only get better from here like i always believe it will.
and i have been waiting for far too long to have this started untill an old Pal, LK told me to start!
Half way through of 2008, recent meomories are all about health scares and imposible battles; and when circumstances like this fell on me, my thoughts and life perspective take the turns and continue towards a new direction, although i am not sure how it is going to be, somehow i can sense things will only be better from here.
some assurances for my dear friends, yes i am still strong! i believe my condition is stablising, couple with cyling (my new found hobby) and strict diets, things will only get better from here like i always believe it will.
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