I have never been quite so lost in my thoughts before.
There seem to be one thousand things to do and sort out.
And lately, my secretary is giving me a lot of headache, she just can't work independently, always lost in her world.. which i always know.. sigh.. but why is she not learning? at times, when i found out the mess she created for me, i can almost boiled to the extend of wanting to murder someone!!! REally quite speechless, i guess i still cant count on her to do anything more than the basic filing and stuffs. I need more time to train her, which is what i dont have, what a tragic.
I guess i need some time to plan out my things properly. nothing seems right lately..
I thought of taking a break away from everything, and go somewhere and take my mind off, and then there is the H1N1 flu to worry about, where else can i go?
AM i worrying too much? maybe be i should not be thinking too much??? is there a switch on the brain? switch it off for a week, let me be normal for as short as a week, where i can live without so much worries and troubles? this is like hoping against hope?
I need to find solace in God, only in Him i can find peace, and i know i am not spending enough time on this.. it is not a habit yet? i need to expedite on this!
Am i too uptight? Gosh.. i keep thinking i am losing it...
:(
Monday, June 15, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
long time no see
It is been a quite a while before the last time i visited this blog
Since the beginning of the year i have been writing less here. It was really a sub conscious efforts of not to dwell on the constant bad new, but to live on a purposeful life as much as i can.
It is almost three months since the last blog, TS1 did not work at all, it had to discontinue and revert back to Xeloda, with lower dosage bearing in mind of the pain that the side effects bring about.
Doctor Simon has come back a new drug, again.. but this supposedly less potent or poisonous chemo treatment has its extreme side effects that have me thinking if i should indeed try??!! At the end of the day, my only concern is if the chemo is going to kill the cancer fast enough before it consumes my life altogether too. I need more time to think through, and yes i had used my 30th birthday as a reason and also an excuse to push back the possible new treatment. However one thing that is almost certain, unless a miracle happens, this war that i have been fighting, undeniably as optimistic as i could, fear of losing it all is creeping in...
Now back to something lighter, turning 30 has become a reality, and my birthday celebration that night was good and fun, other than some important friends who could not turn up for various reasons, most of my good friends did make the trouble to join me on the tuesday night. It was exhaustive to organize a party for a 100 people, but given this experience, the next round will be a rock!
Went to the PC show at suntec just now at 4pm, it was the first time i ever walk into one of such, what was supposedly lesser crowd was still quite a rude shock to me! the place was loaded with people! If not because i had to get a new lap urgently, i would have make a u turn and leave. The good news is i did manage to get a new Fujisu lap top, the bad news, i am $2000 poorer.. and plus a $70 traffic fine for leaving my car at the wrong place... xianz..
Come to think of it, i might have over spent.,, :(, oh well, it better last as long as the old one eileen passed me 4 years ago...
Tomorrow late afternoon i really have to go for the CT scan that i have postponed too many times, God be with me! I am sort of coming to my wits end, nothing and no else but God can help. God be with me.
Since the beginning of the year i have been writing less here. It was really a sub conscious efforts of not to dwell on the constant bad new, but to live on a purposeful life as much as i can.
It is almost three months since the last blog, TS1 did not work at all, it had to discontinue and revert back to Xeloda, with lower dosage bearing in mind of the pain that the side effects bring about.
Doctor Simon has come back a new drug, again.. but this supposedly less potent or poisonous chemo treatment has its extreme side effects that have me thinking if i should indeed try??!! At the end of the day, my only concern is if the chemo is going to kill the cancer fast enough before it consumes my life altogether too. I need more time to think through, and yes i had used my 30th birthday as a reason and also an excuse to push back the possible new treatment. However one thing that is almost certain, unless a miracle happens, this war that i have been fighting, undeniably as optimistic as i could, fear of losing it all is creeping in...
Now back to something lighter, turning 30 has become a reality, and my birthday celebration that night was good and fun, other than some important friends who could not turn up for various reasons, most of my good friends did make the trouble to join me on the tuesday night. It was exhaustive to organize a party for a 100 people, but given this experience, the next round will be a rock!
Went to the PC show at suntec just now at 4pm, it was the first time i ever walk into one of such, what was supposedly lesser crowd was still quite a rude shock to me! the place was loaded with people! If not because i had to get a new lap urgently, i would have make a u turn and leave. The good news is i did manage to get a new Fujisu lap top, the bad news, i am $2000 poorer.. and plus a $70 traffic fine for leaving my car at the wrong place... xianz..
Come to think of it, i might have over spent.,, :(, oh well, it better last as long as the old one eileen passed me 4 years ago...
Tomorrow late afternoon i really have to go for the CT scan that i have postponed too many times, God be with me! I am sort of coming to my wits end, nothing and no else but God can help. God be with me.
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