Being understood!

I always know people relation is an art, how we deal with people fairly and respectfully, indirectly shapes on our own destiny. After all, no man is an island, people are important! those around us makes all the differences in our life.. at least this is what i think, the cornerstone of my faith is not just build on God, but also by his people, those who make the differences to me and those i am going to make the differences. make sense?

The last two months has been nothing short of dramas, like how life has always been, i found myself constantly making tough decisions, taking difficult stand, with the ultimate intention to make all things work, make people around me happy. Yet strangely as it sounds, it just not working out well, or as ideal as i want it to be! It is exasperating, it is frustrating.. There is this sunny girl said, i was trying too hard to please everyone, but when there is conflict of interest, it is not possible!! She said,'' u gotta make a stand, u got to learn to be a bad guy. just once!! it is far better to be a bad guy for one day, then a villain for a life time." well, i agreed! i did! not only once, but constantly for the last 3 weeks, i was like constantly bombarded with all kinds of things, work or non work related, i thought i had it all handled well... until just now, i had realized once again, i have over estimated my own EQ level, so sometimes making a stand is not enough, taking tough decisions make no differences either, sometimes we gotta throw in the towel, that the battle is not mine, that it is not my fight, that the easy way out is to leave it alone for awhile. I would think the first look at myself i would think i am chickening out, but when i think deeper, (which i often do, although not helpful sometimes,) it was the best for everyone, no one gets hurt, but me? sacrificial? short term pain? or simply too afraid to face the consequences it things were to turn out otherwise?? tsk... see.. sometimes, it is good to leave it alone! i want to be happy, but i want people around me to be happy more. How would that ever constitute a conflict of interest? when happy is being happy!?!

Phew, i need some space to breather easy, i am not afraid to take up responsibilities, but i do feel constrained by the nagging thoughts of those 'what ifs). It is ridiculous that i am feeling the way i felt! I have always been a free man, where did this bondage come from?

I felt understood at one moment, and misunderstood at another, i sure don't like this, i am gonna have all these taken out of my mind.
I just wanna be understood. Do i understand too? haha... freak indeed.