Being Earnest..

Its been a long while since my last entry, i have been busy with life like always. But not like any other normal person dealing with routines, rather literally dealing with "life", my life, or rather my health. I have long established the fact that no health means nothing else.

Physically, i have not been fantastic, medical report lately is not too encouraging, the too frequent indigestion problems from the operation took its toll on my weight, I did the necessary adjustment, i slow myself down. Pulled out of SOT, slow down my pace daily, and in everything that i do of course. Strict diet have to come back on, expensive TCM herbs has to be taken day and night too. One moment of careless negativity will throw myself back into the cyclic depressive mode, my great hope for the future and happiness that is within reach could vanish in that few seconds of demise.

But being earnest, i never allow myself to sit in helplessness for long, anything can be broken or saddled with impossibilities, but not my heart nor my will, and absolutely not my faith.

Two weeks back, i was impressed with my heart of 3 miracles that will come, and one that detailed about my purpose for this life gets clearer everyday when i talk and walk about it. All that has happened, the 6 years of journey found its purpose and value at last. I am excited and even nervous whenever i thought of it, yet it also drives me on every single minute. The platform and the stage that will allow me to fulfill all these takes enormous efforts (yet not out of my half day work routine!!) and also determination, most importantly all the helps i can get. thankfully, all those that i called, are equally excited with me! I keep repeating it, but for that to be possible, i need all my friends and clients help, i need referrals and new businesses and deals consistently till December. Looking at my fellow competitors, achieving it needs something special, something extraordinary, and like coco says, i will need wings! but i doubt it can be grown on me, i would relate it to the wings of angels... i need to call all the angels in heaven and on earth (you?)

Well, the importance of being earnest is to keep going on and on and on!!! I need human batteries, rally cries and roaring supports!

Immortality!! who is with me?!!

我写的歌. :)

我有一首歌
写满了童话剧。
故事里有你，有我，有幸福。

遥远的过去，俗气的旋律，美丽情节待续。
可能是漫漫细雨，
或是蠢蠢的心跳，
灰色的天终于唱出了 我要的melody.

Hey, 停下来好吗，
看看一下风景，
世界因你而美丽，
梦想因此有意义。

我会一直走下去，
牵那如白雪之臂，
一直一直走下去，
我的歌是幸福结局。

flu bugs

It has been a long long time since the last time i am down with flu bugs. I have been always cautious, knowing that having one is really bad, the sore throats, running nose and cough etc...

SOT started last week, while i might complain a lot about how challenging n tired it is to juggle between that and work, i was totally enjoying the process, the learning is credibly good, every moment when i was in the class, my spirit was shouting and rejoicing inside.

So now is week two, i guess my body has yet to fully adjusted to a full day of 'work', exhaustion creeps in and take a toll on my immune, i am down with flu bugs! And for the good of everyone, i had decided to stay home and rest. i needed this, its been back to back of non stop events since last monday.

I even had to cut short a meeting with a client in the office last night, two packets of tissues are not enough to last through my normal routine sessions of discussion. All the signs are pointing to me that i am in need of a good rest.. and good rest i should have. :)

Pursuit of Happiness II

I think if i am ever an editor of any magazine, i would have problems of finding the right headlines. Many times when i refer myself as a simple man wanting simple things, that has to attribute partly to the few headlines that i continuously sought after since the first day i grown up. So here i am again talking about happiness AGAIN... i guess even the most loyal reader would have grown tired of my blabbering on this topic so many times... thankfully, this is not a article, i am not a journalist, nor an editor, but the author of my own stories, i get to write and fill n refill anything anytime i want.

My visit to the TCM professor on friday, i was told that i am too stress up,. there is too much tension on my own nerve. Maybe that is true, a lot of time its really self imposed. There are not many around me who can slow me down, and put me at ease. Come to think about it, maybe there is just one? or maybe two? I was asked last night, who is that person that knows me the best, that without me finishing my whole sentence, that one person simply understands... ??Yes it is still Eleen ng, while we are no longer romantically linked in anyway, she was the one one that 'grown' up with me, the time and experiences we had is the answer for all the understanding i guess, and having a friend like that is a huge blessing, just in her case, this blessing is too far, ( in London actually ). thankfully, there is still charlie's angels, but one has just given birth, another is happily married n its either traveling or going concerts, n the last n the best of e girls, it is just a little different now.
Oh what about that uncle neo? haha... this uncle is either too busy with his life or work or simply hide at home whenever he can.
So i am gonna introduce 3 cutie pies in the office, shanshine, coco and that bacon boy. Shanshine has this magnetic traits in her personality, always smiling and laughing, just a little workaholic and like to eat a little too much, sometimes, she reminds me of the penguin in the movie, Happy Feet. I mean if i have a sister, i would want someone like her!
Coco, she is relatively new to me, probably one of the best gal i have met for a long time, she cooks, bakes, homely girl, and appears to be really motherly.. by that i meant she can really take good care of you, although, being the youngest in the family like me, there are moments that reveal she can also be one spoilt brat, sometimes, just sometimes. :p
Bacon boy, this guy probably not the most popular person in the office like his mentor, and just like his predecessor, if u know him a little deeper, he can be really likable.

I think i am digressing from my headline, these people i mentioned make up very much how my daily activities like. The next 6 months starting from monday will probably change my routines n the people i hang out too. We are all habitual animals, and the older we get, the more we resist changes.
So keep the faith, keep walking to my headline? all of sudden i am losing my thoughts, its raining out there now, i think another nap will help to bring clarity back to my nervy brains...

foul mood all day long

I know i should not! but it was just a plain lousy day all day long yesterday. Nope, nothing really bad happened, but its just a series of not so goods that build up the foul mood.

Seriously, i dont think no one likes to be unhappy, upset, especially over nothings right? i thought only girls have PMS?
Wait! i think i can explain myself out. The day started a visit to Doc Simon for a review, it was nothing much but a routine checks, as always there were plenty of patients, so waiting was a necessary package, it probably dragged till a little too long even comes to the payment... by the time i reached home to rest it was almost 1.30pm. Then i had lunch, before i could go take a nap, The TCM clinic called n say the professor will be in at about 3pm. I had a short nap, which was interrupted by my mum several times to ask me what time i had to go... so i got really grumpy from there... it's barely 30mins of nap, but i was just not happening peacefully...

Then I reached Rochor centre at bugis at 3pm plus, and wait another 90 mins for the prof to appear, it was pure pain when i spend the day waiting for things to happen... The traffic in the morning was bad, the parking was bad ... and when u have to wait for an hour or two just to speak to your doctors for 15 mins, not once in a day, but twice.. like the whole day i was stuck... it was like one of those typical day that i constantly had to go through the previous two years.. On one i hand i am thankful things are different now, on other hand, i cant help it but to complain here.. i DUN LIKE THIS!!!

And it doesn't stop there, my bro could not meet me in the evening again, n i had something on later in the night, i was stuck in the office, i dunno where else to turn to. But but, 3 cutie pie in e office are kind enough to help me spend my night away. It was nice, but not quite enough to kill off the blues, all activities after that had to cancel, the blues were giving me headaches, it was those nights that i think i am better served to be alone.

Its a new day, din really able to sleep the blues off, as i get older, sleep it off just doesn't work that well anymore.
I feel like a grumpy bear, i need some cheers n joys n honey to perk up my day.. where to find it?

Being understood!

I always know people relation is an art, how we deal with people fairly and respectfully, indirectly shapes on our own destiny. After all, no man is an island, people are important! those around us makes all the differences in our life.. at least this is what i think, the cornerstone of my faith is not just build on God, but also by his people, those who make the differences to me and those i am going to make the differences. make sense?

The last two months has been nothing short of dramas, like how life has always been, i found myself constantly making tough decisions, taking difficult stand, with the ultimate intention to make all things work, make people around me happy. Yet strangely as it sounds, it just not working out well, or as ideal as i want it to be! It is exasperating, it is frustrating.. There is this sunny girl said, i was trying too hard to please everyone, but when there is conflict of interest, it is not possible!! She said,'' u gotta make a stand, u got to learn to be a bad guy. just once!! it is far better to be a bad guy for one day, then a villain for a life time." well, i agreed! i did! not only once, but constantly for the last 3 weeks, i was like constantly bombarded with all kinds of things, work or non work related, i thought i had it all handled well... until just now, i had realized once again, i have over estimated my own EQ level, so sometimes making a stand is not enough, taking tough decisions make no differences either, sometimes we gotta throw in the towel, that the battle is not mine, that it is not my fight, that the easy way out is to leave it alone for awhile. I would think the first look at myself i would think i am chickening out, but when i think deeper, (which i often do, although not helpful sometimes,) it was the best for everyone, no one gets hurt, but me? sacrificial? short term pain? or simply too afraid to face the consequences it things were to turn out otherwise?? tsk... see.. sometimes, it is good to leave it alone! i want to be happy, but i want people around me to be happy more. How would that ever constitute a conflict of interest? when happy is being happy!?!

Phew, i need some space to breather easy, i am not afraid to take up responsibilities, but i do feel constrained by the nagging thoughts of those 'what ifs). It is ridiculous that i am feeling the way i felt! I have always been a free man, where did this bondage come from?

I felt understood at one moment, and misunderstood at another, i sure don't like this, i am gonna have all these taken out of my mind.
I just wanna be understood. Do i understand too? haha... freak indeed.

waking from dreams..

To pursuit dreams and to indulge in day dreams are too different thing, yet it takes time to realize the difference between the two.

Third month into the year, life has been exceptionally good, or rather i should say that God has been exceptionally graceful to me. Every time when i get carried away with all the good things in life, i have to quickly remind myself to put my feet back on God. After all, without Him, all is not possible. Two more weeks, bible school will commence, i am a little nervous yet looking forward to it, somehow i just know it is gonna a huge step for me, real dreams n visions will reveal to me, i will have a good clear picture of where to go from here.

Talking about the last two months, by my own measure, it has been really 'exciting n interesting'. It is like all of the sudden, life in office has come to alive, it has become interesting, fun and even more looking forward than before. haha... somehow its like a boy found his candy? oh well ... i guess i am just enjoying the moment everyday. life is good, always so good. :)

What about the day dreams? i have that all the time, just that sometimes i got it all mix up between the achievable n the bubbles, a dreamer that i am, waking up is still necessary. Goodness thing is when i wake up, i do have somewhere to go... bible school that is. :)