Drove past bus no 31 in the late evening tonight...
It is a sign of familiarity, the bus i always take to school when i was still staying in the old Kallang estate. It brought back so much memories!!!! Those younger days, when all i have to worry is my looks n not the books, of course there are also the girls and that football! We were all so young, so carefree.. so without worries.. i am envious of my younger days.
Still remember how i get happy when the ticket numbers all added up to 21, someone said then that the ticket holder will get lucky?? And the girl who taught me how to fold the little piece of it into a heart shape, which i kept that for the longest time in my wallet.. it was all silly old days, but fun!!!
Why must boys become man? we should all not age!!!
why time has to pass so unforgiving quick?
If it had been any slower, maybe i would have known all i ever want has always been around...
This bus 31 in that few seconds, is like a truck of memories, gone and never come back, only left behind the gases of exhaust...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Feet on the ground
I had probably eaten a subway sandwich too fast on Monday night, and the consequence is horrid! I felt sick since Tues, vomited big time, and was weak all over till now.. plus the gas attack, my family had almost wanted to sent me to the hospital again....
It is a lousy experience, and a timely reminder to myself, i just cant take things (food) lightly like before.
Apart from feeling awfully weak, and lousy if not least, i felt handicapped! Truth is i am different, and more dependent than before, i started to have doubts over my ability to take care of others when i can hardly taking care of myself? In the moment of weakness, i know all this negative thoughts are all too common; Yet i cant help it but to doubt about absolutely everything ahead in the future. The self consciousness and insecurity are all creeping in at the same time... how in the world i can attain my dreams and happiness? And then the inferior complex started to follow too.. this is madness, once you got it started, absolutely every negative vibes just keep coming at your direction... until i had to say STOP!
I am not going to be in self-denial, all the feels are a fact, there are bad negatives but true, i cant help it; but i guess i can help myself by making the best out of everything.. It is really quite pointless to dwell with those that you cant change, but focus on what i can do with what i have left. I have been doing that of course, just the days of unwell brought my feet back to the ground once again.
well apparently i am quite easily lifted from the ground, i have this inherent ability to look up to the sky and try to touch it! The recent nights of star gazing got me further from the ground, i am a born dreamer i guess, maybe that includes day dreaming too? Anyway, having my feet back to the ground is like a reality check, it helped to put my egos and abilities on check, balance between both is necessary i figured, else the next fall will be even more painful.
3 days gone, half of the week is very much wasted in pain and discomfort, i still have the weekends! oh tomorrow is friday, i am meeting two of my docs for some discussion over my current health status. To be honest, i feel a little jittery of meeting Doc Simon, my oncologist, sometime ago he was still proposing further treatments after my op?!?! I have lots of reservation on whatever he had proposed then, hopefully tomorrow's discussion will have some break through towards my ideal conclusion. I am determined! and hopeful!
It is a lousy experience, and a timely reminder to myself, i just cant take things (food) lightly like before.
Apart from feeling awfully weak, and lousy if not least, i felt handicapped! Truth is i am different, and more dependent than before, i started to have doubts over my ability to take care of others when i can hardly taking care of myself? In the moment of weakness, i know all this negative thoughts are all too common; Yet i cant help it but to doubt about absolutely everything ahead in the future. The self consciousness and insecurity are all creeping in at the same time... how in the world i can attain my dreams and happiness? And then the inferior complex started to follow too.. this is madness, once you got it started, absolutely every negative vibes just keep coming at your direction... until i had to say STOP!
I am not going to be in self-denial, all the feels are a fact, there are bad negatives but true, i cant help it; but i guess i can help myself by making the best out of everything.. It is really quite pointless to dwell with those that you cant change, but focus on what i can do with what i have left. I have been doing that of course, just the days of unwell brought my feet back to the ground once again.
well apparently i am quite easily lifted from the ground, i have this inherent ability to look up to the sky and try to touch it! The recent nights of star gazing got me further from the ground, i am a born dreamer i guess, maybe that includes day dreaming too? Anyway, having my feet back to the ground is like a reality check, it helped to put my egos and abilities on check, balance between both is necessary i figured, else the next fall will be even more painful.
3 days gone, half of the week is very much wasted in pain and discomfort, i still have the weekends! oh tomorrow is friday, i am meeting two of my docs for some discussion over my current health status. To be honest, i feel a little jittery of meeting Doc Simon, my oncologist, sometime ago he was still proposing further treatments after my op?!?! I have lots of reservation on whatever he had proposed then, hopefully tomorrow's discussion will have some break through towards my ideal conclusion. I am determined! and hopeful!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Starry Starry night.
Recent few nights, if you were to notice, the sky is extremely clear, almost cloudless,with the night breeze, and the stars, everything seem so wonderful, life is indeed beautiful.
The idea of going to bible school for half a year is slowly settling in, i am really kind of looking forward to it. There is this sense of assurance, somehow i felt that by taking the 6 months course, i will go near God; And go near God means i will be in good hands, i will be able to cast all fears unto His hands... This coming 6 months from march, it is like a 'refuge camp' for me, and there are moments in the days, i hope i can quickly retreat into it.
Not that things are not doing well, on the contrary, work is slowly moving back to the right momentum. i am very much getting used to my 'new' body too, although at times the inconvenience gets to my nerve and drives me nuts, but i have gotten over the self-acceptance phase, moving on it is really to live the best out of this life.
These two nights of star gazing, got me into deep thoughts, (i mean i am easily into deep thoughts anyway) There are things that are within reach if i were to take the courage to stretch out my hands, yet at the same time my rationale and that little fear held me back almost immediately when i was about to move my hands. I find myself keep going back to ground zero. So guess maybe only bible school will show a way, or rather God will show a path.
Meanwhile, the nights with all shinning stars, like a symbol of destinies, endless and going into infinities..
All i wanna do now is to seek for mine, and it begins with star gazing...
The idea of going to bible school for half a year is slowly settling in, i am really kind of looking forward to it. There is this sense of assurance, somehow i felt that by taking the 6 months course, i will go near God; And go near God means i will be in good hands, i will be able to cast all fears unto His hands... This coming 6 months from march, it is like a 'refuge camp' for me, and there are moments in the days, i hope i can quickly retreat into it.
Not that things are not doing well, on the contrary, work is slowly moving back to the right momentum. i am very much getting used to my 'new' body too, although at times the inconvenience gets to my nerve and drives me nuts, but i have gotten over the self-acceptance phase, moving on it is really to live the best out of this life.
These two nights of star gazing, got me into deep thoughts, (i mean i am easily into deep thoughts anyway) There are things that are within reach if i were to take the courage to stretch out my hands, yet at the same time my rationale and that little fear held me back almost immediately when i was about to move my hands. I find myself keep going back to ground zero. So guess maybe only bible school will show a way, or rather God will show a path.
Meanwhile, the nights with all shinning stars, like a symbol of destinies, endless and going into infinities..
All i wanna do now is to seek for mine, and it begins with star gazing...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The seventh day...
There is a TVb drama called the seventh day, it is really nice, sweet, and tells tales of the fairy kind of love story.... But this is not what i am referring tonight. I am literally referring it to today's date, 7th of January, seventh day of the new decade.
There wasn't any form of explosive kind of changes or events to set the new year going, it is just another year... Quiet days are a blessing by itself too of course.
Tomorrow will be the final day of the company's full day event, there are a little highlight here and there, else it was seriously quite boring though.
Had a nice dinner with dap n tw, guess i was really tired, so naturally i got a little quiet; but it was always enjoyable to have them around, simply because we are such old friends already, that is a blessing! And as the years unfold, the more i cherish them... :) these girls are one of the best gifts i have in life.
After being away from work for so long, it sure feels good to be able to hang around with the fun people in office. And there is this young and energetic one new comer that is always giggling, smiling, and her every moves are extremely animated, there is absolutely no way that you can escape her infectious spirit.. this might sound funny, but even when she's half crying, i had to hold back funny bones.. she's is just so animated la...
i guess i have found my match, i am not the loudest in the office after all... haha... that is welcome of course, besides i always love a company, in this case, another happy voice to echo mine!
A late text got my heart jumped two beats...n then it started to sink cos it got heavy! I don't like it naturally.. then again, there is really nothing i can do about it... It takes patience to walk out the maze... well actually, it is still relatively 'trivial' at this stage, so no much thoughts should be placed on it, IF i can help it? Duh..
It is midnight now, the world should get some rest, so am i! good night world... :)
There wasn't any form of explosive kind of changes or events to set the new year going, it is just another year... Quiet days are a blessing by itself too of course.
Tomorrow will be the final day of the company's full day event, there are a little highlight here and there, else it was seriously quite boring though.
Had a nice dinner with dap n tw, guess i was really tired, so naturally i got a little quiet; but it was always enjoyable to have them around, simply because we are such old friends already, that is a blessing! And as the years unfold, the more i cherish them... :) these girls are one of the best gifts i have in life.
After being away from work for so long, it sure feels good to be able to hang around with the fun people in office. And there is this young and energetic one new comer that is always giggling, smiling, and her every moves are extremely animated, there is absolutely no way that you can escape her infectious spirit.. this might sound funny, but even when she's half crying, i had to hold back funny bones.. she's is just so animated la...
i guess i have found my match, i am not the loudest in the office after all... haha... that is welcome of course, besides i always love a company, in this case, another happy voice to echo mine!
A late text got my heart jumped two beats...n then it started to sink cos it got heavy! I don't like it naturally.. then again, there is really nothing i can do about it... It takes patience to walk out the maze... well actually, it is still relatively 'trivial' at this stage, so no much thoughts should be placed on it, IF i can help it? Duh..
It is midnight now, the world should get some rest, so am i! good night world... :)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Little Confession
I need to confess something, something what i deemed trivial but when i am asked, i felt embarrassed actually.
As a driver, tearing coupons is part and parcel of life everyday, very often for the convenience, i will just fold the coupons instead of tearing it, the act by itself is fine of course, just that many times i find myself reusing them... bad huh? not that i think too much of it really, to me it was me acting on mine little intelligence to 'out-law' the rules and save a few dollars..
Until last night, a question was popped to me " are u cheating?" Uh oh... not good, i was caught unprepared by it, what was always trivial and unimportant to me, got me red faced... matter of fact is it is an act of cheating isn't it? so much of my righteousness huh!?! Argh... embarrassed as i was, it set me thinking... a man's character should be consistent in ALL area of his life, however trivial or unimportant it might be.. in this case i have failed i think. But i am thankful, it is a timely reminder, it not too late to amend and stop the 'little devil' in me from committing 'crimes' like that... Phew ...
The first good change in 2010, true that a few dozen more dollars to add to the government's revenue, but i am the ultimate winner am i not? :)
As a driver, tearing coupons is part and parcel of life everyday, very often for the convenience, i will just fold the coupons instead of tearing it, the act by itself is fine of course, just that many times i find myself reusing them... bad huh? not that i think too much of it really, to me it was me acting on mine little intelligence to 'out-law' the rules and save a few dollars..
Until last night, a question was popped to me " are u cheating?" Uh oh... not good, i was caught unprepared by it, what was always trivial and unimportant to me, got me red faced... matter of fact is it is an act of cheating isn't it? so much of my righteousness huh!?! Argh... embarrassed as i was, it set me thinking... a man's character should be consistent in ALL area of his life, however trivial or unimportant it might be.. in this case i have failed i think. But i am thankful, it is a timely reminder, it not too late to amend and stop the 'little devil' in me from committing 'crimes' like that... Phew ...
The first good change in 2010, true that a few dozen more dollars to add to the government's revenue, but i am the ultimate winner am i not? :)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The song that keeps ringing in my head e whole night!
心若倦了 泪也干了
这份深情 难舍难了
曾经拥有 天荒地老
已不见你 暮暮与朝朝
这一份情 永远难了
愿来生 还能再度拥抱
爱一个人 如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切 我不知道
Chorus:
回忆过去 痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来 拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了 情难了
这份深情 难舍难了
曾经拥有 天荒地老
已不见你 暮暮与朝朝
这一份情 永远难了
愿来生 还能再度拥抱
爱一个人 如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切 我不知道
Chorus:
回忆过去 痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来 拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了 情难了
Friday, January 1, 2010
The right beginning...
It is the first day of a new decade, i was out the whole morning in a friends wedding entourage, and soon will be off to the hotel again... Feeling kind of inadequate the whole day through, i supposed it is because after last night, i still haven't really had time to recollect my thoughts, unload the baggage and relish the new days ahead...
So it is new year finally!!! Looking back to 2009, i only have two words! Life changing!!!! And spending the last night with the one i love most is possibly the best way to round an amazing year! And no, i am not into a relationship just yet, and no too, i am not going to reveal too much as well.. haha..
Love can wait i suppose, nonetheless i cant mask the little disappointment too, but yes Love can wait!
There are many immediate things and event ahead that is going to keep me busy.. namely my work, learning guitar, buying a dog, going SOT... oh and going to japan!!!! I need to travel!!! I need some snow for a change! Getting my best pal to go with me seem like really remote, so i will need to open the possibilities of even going a trip of my own... but the very thot of it feels so lonely la.. well, we will see!
From today on, the immediate things i need to do is get my prayer life right on a daily basis.. and i really need to start planning my work and submit my business plan to my boss soon.. i am already late for 2 weeks.. haha...
Somethings can wait, somethings cant! Time definitely waits for no one, gotta start living the life i want, even if it is imcomplete.
So it is new year finally!!! Looking back to 2009, i only have two words! Life changing!!!! And spending the last night with the one i love most is possibly the best way to round an amazing year! And no, i am not into a relationship just yet, and no too, i am not going to reveal too much as well.. haha..
Love can wait i suppose, nonetheless i cant mask the little disappointment too, but yes Love can wait!
There are many immediate things and event ahead that is going to keep me busy.. namely my work, learning guitar, buying a dog, going SOT... oh and going to japan!!!! I need to travel!!! I need some snow for a change! Getting my best pal to go with me seem like really remote, so i will need to open the possibilities of even going a trip of my own... but the very thot of it feels so lonely la.. well, we will see!
From today on, the immediate things i need to do is get my prayer life right on a daily basis.. and i really need to start planning my work and submit my business plan to my boss soon.. i am already late for 2 weeks.. haha...
Somethings can wait, somethings cant! Time definitely waits for no one, gotta start living the life i want, even if it is imcomplete.
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