Feet on the ground

I had probably eaten a subway sandwich too fast on Monday night, and the consequence is horrid! I felt sick since Tues, vomited big time, and was weak all over till now.. plus the gas attack, my family had almost wanted to sent me to the hospital again....
It is a lousy experience, and a timely reminder to myself, i just cant take things (food) lightly like before.

Apart from feeling awfully weak, and lousy if not least, i felt handicapped! Truth is i am different, and more dependent than before, i started to have doubts over my ability to take care of others when i can hardly taking care of myself? In the moment of weakness, i know all this negative thoughts are all too common; Yet i cant help it but to doubt about absolutely everything ahead in the future. The self consciousness and insecurity are all creeping in at the same time... how in the world i can attain my dreams and happiness? And then the inferior complex started to follow too.. this is madness, once you got it started, absolutely every negative vibes just keep coming at your direction... until i had to say STOP!

I am not going to be in self-denial, all the feels are a fact, there are bad negatives but true, i cant help it; but i guess i can help myself by making the best out of everything.. It is really quite pointless to dwell with those that you cant change, but focus on what i can do with what i have left. I have been doing that of course, just the days of unwell brought my feet back to the ground once again.
well apparently i am quite easily lifted from the ground, i have this inherent ability to look up to the sky and try to touch it! The recent nights of star gazing got me further from the ground, i am a born dreamer i guess, maybe that includes day dreaming too? Anyway, having my feet back to the ground is like a reality check, it helped to put my egos and abilities on check, balance between both is necessary i figured, else the next fall will be even more painful.

3 days gone, half of the week is very much wasted in pain and discomfort, i still have the weekends! oh tomorrow is friday, i am meeting two of my docs for some discussion over my current health status. To be honest, i feel a little jittery of meeting Doc Simon, my oncologist, sometime ago he was still proposing further treatments after my op?!?! I have lots of reservation on whatever he had proposed then, hopefully tomorrow's discussion will have some break through towards my ideal conclusion. I am determined! and hopeful!