21st Oct 2009

I guess I will never forget this date!

At 0600H, I was woken up by the nurses for their routine checks on all patients. It's 2 hours away from the operation. To say i had no fears would be a bluff, yet at the same time i had been waiting for the moment to come for almost 4 weeks of agonizing delays. I knew the odds were simply too low, my life very highly could just end there and then. But i thought myself again and again, i had tried my best, exhausted all my abilities and will for the last 3 years, there was really nothing left in me except to leave everything to God. And i thought, if it were to end then, i had no regrets either, I am no perfect men, but i have lived an honorable life; i might not have experience everything in life, but it's enough or so i thought.

At 0630H, one by one, my whole family arrived, my parents, dajie, er jie, my brother and two brother-in-laws. Moments after, Ling kai and charlie's family, chen wei, daphne and Edwin, Julia and Chee wee all arrived at the ward as well. It's a weds morning, all of them took leave to give me their supports! to be honest, i needed it badly, and just so glad that they are all there.

At 0700H, time to change for the op. Thank God ling kai was there, being a man of God, he was a constant calm and peace to my over anxious family.

At 0730H, Of all things, i did not leave a will! Sub-consciously i just did not want to sabotage myself the already low odds. But What if it happened!? unfortunately i had to leave this burden to my dearest Tan when i knew she wasn't having the best time of her life too. she could hardly hold back her tears when i told her my last instructions; it sure hurts to see your best pal cry, all i wished for her is that she'll be happy always.

At 0800H, I was ready to go in, and then all of the sudden, emotions started to break out, first is mum, then follow by my father and sisters, one by one, they started crying, i could hardly hold back mine, i had to reassure them that i was gonna be ok, yet seeing them with all tears, my tears went out of control too. It felt like life and death separation kind of scene, i thought this only happened in the dramas?

At 0810H, not sure abt the time anymore, but the moment i am in the ops room, all was all too familiar, just this time i know the op is gonna take the whole day. I recited palms 23 and quickly i was unconscious... no dreams.. nothing..

At 1700H, the very first moment i regained my consciousness, the pain was excruciating! But i needed an answer, i needed to know if the op is a success, that the tumor is all removed, that i can live again!!! Drifting in and out of consciousness, finally i was pushed out where the 14 dear people are all waiting for me, Dajie did not failed me, she was quick to tell me the op is a success! when i heard that, i channel all my strength to my right arm and lifted my fist towards the 14 dear people. Yes, i made it! And then i was back to unconsciousness again. Phew...

I heard from Ling Kai and Tan subsequently, on how they all waited outside of the ops room from the moment i was in till i was out again, how they rushed to the door whenever its opened and to realize it was not me... every time when i imagine the very scene, it always drive me to tears. I am a very lucky man, a very lucky lucky man! I have strong family support, loving mum and sisters, incredible brother in Christ and my ever green charlies' angels and partner. I have all the best things in life, I am blessed! God is Good!