10 more days, and it will be a whole decade altogether, there are many reasons that i should be thankful of, but maybe man are inherently easily discontented. From struggling to take my first step after the op, and now almost fully back to full fitness, my mind is constantly on a run...
There is an unexplained uneasiness, it is almost like take two steps forward, and has to quickly take one back... Time is the key, i know i am overly anxious, i know i should control my restlessness, but emotions so very often takes the lead in my daily life and thoughts, there is just this uncontrollable impulsion of wanting to do more; and i kept giving myself excuses that it is because i just wanted to do more while i can, when i can. Well, i find it laughable myself sometimes, but this is me, absolutely complicated, and easily simple minded! Does it make any sense? i guess not.. never mind ..
I have a little secret..
Maybe it is an open secret? i wanna retire early... maybe it is all the things that i had gone through, the realisation of greater meaning in life, my thoughts kept drift into a life of simple married man.
i need to make a resolution, there are many baggage that cannot be brought forward to the new year, i am lacking a little courage and will power to make progress in unloading them... just 10 more days...what am i doing?!
Argh... sometimes leaving everything to status quo is the easiest, n possibly most harmless, yet it might just be the only window of opportunities to the life that i always want; but taking the step might also jeopardize or changed what is already good enough... it is a dead end?!? oh well... definitely unsolvable tonight...
maybe tomorrow will bring some light to the tunnel of my thoughts?
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