Its been a long while since my last entry, i have been busy with life like always. But not like any other normal person dealing with routines, rather literally dealing with "life", my life, or rather my health. I have long established the fact that no health means nothing else.
Physically, i have not been fantastic, medical report lately is not too encouraging, the too frequent indigestion problems from the operation took its toll on my weight, I did the necessary adjustment, i slow myself down. Pulled out of SOT, slow down my pace daily, and in everything that i do of course. Strict diet have to come back on, expensive TCM herbs has to be taken day and night too. One moment of careless negativity will throw myself back into the cyclic depressive mode, my great hope for the future and happiness that is within reach could vanish in that few seconds of demise.
But being earnest, i never allow myself to sit in helplessness for long, anything can be broken or saddled with impossibilities, but not my heart nor my will, and absolutely not my faith.
Two weeks back, i was impressed with my heart of 3 miracles that will come, and one that detailed about my purpose for this life gets clearer everyday when i talk and walk about it. All that has happened, the 6 years of journey found its purpose and value at last. I am excited and even nervous whenever i thought of it, yet it also drives me on every single minute. The platform and the stage that will allow me to fulfill all these takes enormous efforts (yet not out of my half day work routine!!) and also determination, most importantly all the helps i can get. thankfully, all those that i called, are equally excited with me! I keep repeating it, but for that to be possible, i need all my friends and clients help, i need referrals and new businesses and deals consistently till December. Looking at my fellow competitors, achieving it needs something special, something extraordinary, and like coco says, i will need wings! but i doubt it can be grown on me, i would relate it to the wings of angels... i need to call all the angels in heaven and on earth (you?)
Well, the importance of being earnest is to keep going on and on and on!!! I need human batteries, rally cries and roaring supports!
Immortality!! who is with me?!!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
我写的歌. :)
我有一首歌
写满了童话剧。
故事里有你，有我，有幸福。
遥远的过去，俗气的旋律，美丽情节待续。
可能是漫漫细雨，
或是蠢蠢的心跳，
灰色的天终于唱出了 我要的melody.
Hey, 停下来好吗，
看看一下风景，
世界因你而美丽，
梦想因此有意义。
我会一直走下去，
牵那如白雪之臂，
一直一直走下去，
我的歌是幸福结局。
写满了童话剧。
故事里有你，有我，有幸福。
遥远的过去，俗气的旋律，美丽情节待续。
可能是漫漫细雨，
或是蠢蠢的心跳，
灰色的天终于唱出了 我要的melody.
Hey, 停下来好吗，
看看一下风景，
世界因你而美丽，
梦想因此有意义。
我会一直走下去，
牵那如白雪之臂，
一直一直走下去，
我的歌是幸福结局。
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
flu bugs
It has been a long long time since the last time i am down with flu bugs. I have been always cautious, knowing that having one is really bad, the sore throats, running nose and cough etc...
SOT started last week, while i might complain a lot about how challenging n tired it is to juggle between that and work, i was totally enjoying the process, the learning is credibly good, every moment when i was in the class, my spirit was shouting and rejoicing inside.
So now is week two, i guess my body has yet to fully adjusted to a full day of 'work', exhaustion creeps in and take a toll on my immune, i am down with flu bugs! And for the good of everyone, i had decided to stay home and rest. i needed this, its been back to back of non stop events since last monday.
I even had to cut short a meeting with a client in the office last night, two packets of tissues are not enough to last through my normal routine sessions of discussion. All the signs are pointing to me that i am in need of a good rest.. and good rest i should have. :)
SOT started last week, while i might complain a lot about how challenging n tired it is to juggle between that and work, i was totally enjoying the process, the learning is credibly good, every moment when i was in the class, my spirit was shouting and rejoicing inside.
So now is week two, i guess my body has yet to fully adjusted to a full day of 'work', exhaustion creeps in and take a toll on my immune, i am down with flu bugs! And for the good of everyone, i had decided to stay home and rest. i needed this, its been back to back of non stop events since last monday.
I even had to cut short a meeting with a client in the office last night, two packets of tissues are not enough to last through my normal routine sessions of discussion. All the signs are pointing to me that i am in need of a good rest.. and good rest i should have. :)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Pursuit of Happiness II
I think if i am ever an editor of any magazine, i would have problems of finding the right headlines. Many times when i refer myself as a simple man wanting simple things, that has to attribute partly to the few headlines that i continuously sought after since the first day i grown up. So here i am again talking about happiness AGAIN... i guess even the most loyal reader would have grown tired of my blabbering on this topic so many times... thankfully, this is not a article, i am not a journalist, nor an editor, but the author of my own stories, i get to write and fill n refill anything anytime i want.
My visit to the TCM professor on friday, i was told that i am too stress up,. there is too much tension on my own nerve. Maybe that is true, a lot of time its really self imposed. There are not many around me who can slow me down, and put me at ease. Come to think about it, maybe there is just one? or maybe two? I was asked last night, who is that person that knows me the best, that without me finishing my whole sentence, that one person simply understands... ??Yes it is still Eleen ng, while we are no longer romantically linked in anyway, she was the one one that 'grown' up with me, the time and experiences we had is the answer for all the understanding i guess, and having a friend like that is a huge blessing, just in her case, this blessing is too far, ( in London actually ). thankfully, there is still charlie's angels, but one has just given birth, another is happily married n its either traveling or going concerts, n the last n the best of e girls, it is just a little different now.
Oh what about that uncle neo? haha... this uncle is either too busy with his life or work or simply hide at home whenever he can.
So i am gonna introduce 3 cutie pies in the office, shanshine, coco and that bacon boy. Shanshine has this magnetic traits in her personality, always smiling and laughing, just a little workaholic and like to eat a little too much, sometimes, she reminds me of the penguin in the movie, Happy Feet. I mean if i have a sister, i would want someone like her!
Coco, she is relatively new to me, probably one of the best gal i have met for a long time, she cooks, bakes, homely girl, and appears to be really motherly.. by that i meant she can really take good care of you, although, being the youngest in the family like me, there are moments that reveal she can also be one spoilt brat, sometimes, just sometimes. :p
Bacon boy, this guy probably not the most popular person in the office like his mentor, and just like his predecessor, if u know him a little deeper, he can be really likable.
I think i am digressing from my headline, these people i mentioned make up very much how my daily activities like. The next 6 months starting from monday will probably change my routines n the people i hang out too. We are all habitual animals, and the older we get, the more we resist changes.
So keep the faith, keep walking to my headline? all of sudden i am losing my thoughts, its raining out there now, i think another nap will help to bring clarity back to my nervy brains...
My visit to the TCM professor on friday, i was told that i am too stress up,. there is too much tension on my own nerve. Maybe that is true, a lot of time its really self imposed. There are not many around me who can slow me down, and put me at ease. Come to think about it, maybe there is just one? or maybe two? I was asked last night, who is that person that knows me the best, that without me finishing my whole sentence, that one person simply understands... ??Yes it is still Eleen ng, while we are no longer romantically linked in anyway, she was the one one that 'grown' up with me, the time and experiences we had is the answer for all the understanding i guess, and having a friend like that is a huge blessing, just in her case, this blessing is too far, ( in London actually ). thankfully, there is still charlie's angels, but one has just given birth, another is happily married n its either traveling or going concerts, n the last n the best of e girls, it is just a little different now.
Oh what about that uncle neo? haha... this uncle is either too busy with his life or work or simply hide at home whenever he can.
So i am gonna introduce 3 cutie pies in the office, shanshine, coco and that bacon boy. Shanshine has this magnetic traits in her personality, always smiling and laughing, just a little workaholic and like to eat a little too much, sometimes, she reminds me of the penguin in the movie, Happy Feet. I mean if i have a sister, i would want someone like her!
Coco, she is relatively new to me, probably one of the best gal i have met for a long time, she cooks, bakes, homely girl, and appears to be really motherly.. by that i meant she can really take good care of you, although, being the youngest in the family like me, there are moments that reveal she can also be one spoilt brat, sometimes, just sometimes. :p
Bacon boy, this guy probably not the most popular person in the office like his mentor, and just like his predecessor, if u know him a little deeper, he can be really likable.
I think i am digressing from my headline, these people i mentioned make up very much how my daily activities like. The next 6 months starting from monday will probably change my routines n the people i hang out too. We are all habitual animals, and the older we get, the more we resist changes.
So keep the faith, keep walking to my headline? all of sudden i am losing my thoughts, its raining out there now, i think another nap will help to bring clarity back to my nervy brains...
Saturday, March 13, 2010
foul mood all day long
I know i should not! but it was just a plain lousy day all day long yesterday. Nope, nothing really bad happened, but its just a series of not so goods that build up the foul mood.
Seriously, i dont think no one likes to be unhappy, upset, especially over nothings right? i thought only girls have PMS?
Wait! i think i can explain myself out. The day started a visit to Doc Simon for a review, it was nothing much but a routine checks, as always there were plenty of patients, so waiting was a necessary package, it probably dragged till a little too long even comes to the payment... by the time i reached home to rest it was almost 1.30pm. Then i had lunch, before i could go take a nap, The TCM clinic called n say the professor will be in at about 3pm. I had a short nap, which was interrupted by my mum several times to ask me what time i had to go... so i got really grumpy from there... it's barely 30mins of nap, but i was just not happening peacefully...
Then I reached Rochor centre at bugis at 3pm plus, and wait another 90 mins for the prof to appear, it was pure pain when i spend the day waiting for things to happen... The traffic in the morning was bad, the parking was bad ... and when u have to wait for an hour or two just to speak to your doctors for 15 mins, not once in a day, but twice.. like the whole day i was stuck... it was like one of those typical day that i constantly had to go through the previous two years.. On one i hand i am thankful things are different now, on other hand, i cant help it but to complain here.. i DUN LIKE THIS!!!
And it doesn't stop there, my bro could not meet me in the evening again, n i had something on later in the night, i was stuck in the office, i dunno where else to turn to. But but, 3 cutie pie in e office are kind enough to help me spend my night away. It was nice, but not quite enough to kill off the blues, all activities after that had to cancel, the blues were giving me headaches, it was those nights that i think i am better served to be alone.
Its a new day, din really able to sleep the blues off, as i get older, sleep it off just doesn't work that well anymore.
I feel like a grumpy bear, i need some cheers n joys n honey to perk up my day.. where to find it?
Seriously, i dont think no one likes to be unhappy, upset, especially over nothings right? i thought only girls have PMS?
Wait! i think i can explain myself out. The day started a visit to Doc Simon for a review, it was nothing much but a routine checks, as always there were plenty of patients, so waiting was a necessary package, it probably dragged till a little too long even comes to the payment... by the time i reached home to rest it was almost 1.30pm. Then i had lunch, before i could go take a nap, The TCM clinic called n say the professor will be in at about 3pm. I had a short nap, which was interrupted by my mum several times to ask me what time i had to go... so i got really grumpy from there... it's barely 30mins of nap, but i was just not happening peacefully...
Then I reached Rochor centre at bugis at 3pm plus, and wait another 90 mins for the prof to appear, it was pure pain when i spend the day waiting for things to happen... The traffic in the morning was bad, the parking was bad ... and when u have to wait for an hour or two just to speak to your doctors for 15 mins, not once in a day, but twice.. like the whole day i was stuck... it was like one of those typical day that i constantly had to go through the previous two years.. On one i hand i am thankful things are different now, on other hand, i cant help it but to complain here.. i DUN LIKE THIS!!!
And it doesn't stop there, my bro could not meet me in the evening again, n i had something on later in the night, i was stuck in the office, i dunno where else to turn to. But but, 3 cutie pie in e office are kind enough to help me spend my night away. It was nice, but not quite enough to kill off the blues, all activities after that had to cancel, the blues were giving me headaches, it was those nights that i think i am better served to be alone.
Its a new day, din really able to sleep the blues off, as i get older, sleep it off just doesn't work that well anymore.
I feel like a grumpy bear, i need some cheers n joys n honey to perk up my day.. where to find it?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Being understood!
I always know people relation is an art, how we deal with people fairly and respectfully, indirectly shapes on our own destiny. After all, no man is an island, people are important! those around us makes all the differences in our life.. at least this is what i think, the cornerstone of my faith is not just build on God, but also by his people, those who make the differences to me and those i am going to make the differences. make sense?
The last two months has been nothing short of dramas, like how life has always been, i found myself constantly making tough decisions, taking difficult stand, with the ultimate intention to make all things work, make people around me happy. Yet strangely as it sounds, it just not working out well, or as ideal as i want it to be! It is exasperating, it is frustrating.. There is this sunny girl said, i was trying too hard to please everyone, but when there is conflict of interest, it is not possible!! She said,'' u gotta make a stand, u got to learn to be a bad guy. just once!! it is far better to be a bad guy for one day, then a villain for a life time." well, i agreed! i did! not only once, but constantly for the last 3 weeks, i was like constantly bombarded with all kinds of things, work or non work related, i thought i had it all handled well... until just now, i had realized once again, i have over estimated my own EQ level, so sometimes making a stand is not enough, taking tough decisions make no differences either, sometimes we gotta throw in the towel, that the battle is not mine, that it is not my fight, that the easy way out is to leave it alone for awhile. I would think the first look at myself i would think i am chickening out, but when i think deeper, (which i often do, although not helpful sometimes,) it was the best for everyone, no one gets hurt, but me? sacrificial? short term pain? or simply too afraid to face the consequences it things were to turn out otherwise?? tsk... see.. sometimes, it is good to leave it alone! i want to be happy, but i want people around me to be happy more. How would that ever constitute a conflict of interest? when happy is being happy!?!
Phew, i need some space to breather easy, i am not afraid to take up responsibilities, but i do feel constrained by the nagging thoughts of those 'what ifs). It is ridiculous that i am feeling the way i felt! I have always been a free man, where did this bondage come from?
I felt understood at one moment, and misunderstood at another, i sure don't like this, i am gonna have all these taken out of my mind.
I just wanna be understood. Do i understand too? haha... freak indeed.
The last two months has been nothing short of dramas, like how life has always been, i found myself constantly making tough decisions, taking difficult stand, with the ultimate intention to make all things work, make people around me happy. Yet strangely as it sounds, it just not working out well, or as ideal as i want it to be! It is exasperating, it is frustrating.. There is this sunny girl said, i was trying too hard to please everyone, but when there is conflict of interest, it is not possible!! She said,'' u gotta make a stand, u got to learn to be a bad guy. just once!! it is far better to be a bad guy for one day, then a villain for a life time." well, i agreed! i did! not only once, but constantly for the last 3 weeks, i was like constantly bombarded with all kinds of things, work or non work related, i thought i had it all handled well... until just now, i had realized once again, i have over estimated my own EQ level, so sometimes making a stand is not enough, taking tough decisions make no differences either, sometimes we gotta throw in the towel, that the battle is not mine, that it is not my fight, that the easy way out is to leave it alone for awhile. I would think the first look at myself i would think i am chickening out, but when i think deeper, (which i often do, although not helpful sometimes,) it was the best for everyone, no one gets hurt, but me? sacrificial? short term pain? or simply too afraid to face the consequences it things were to turn out otherwise?? tsk... see.. sometimes, it is good to leave it alone! i want to be happy, but i want people around me to be happy more. How would that ever constitute a conflict of interest? when happy is being happy!?!
Phew, i need some space to breather easy, i am not afraid to take up responsibilities, but i do feel constrained by the nagging thoughts of those 'what ifs). It is ridiculous that i am feeling the way i felt! I have always been a free man, where did this bondage come from?
I felt understood at one moment, and misunderstood at another, i sure don't like this, i am gonna have all these taken out of my mind.
I just wanna be understood. Do i understand too? haha... freak indeed.
Friday, March 5, 2010
waking from dreams..
To pursuit dreams and to indulge in day dreams are too different thing, yet it takes time to realize the difference between the two.
Third month into the year, life has been exceptionally good, or rather i should say that God has been exceptionally graceful to me. Every time when i get carried away with all the good things in life, i have to quickly remind myself to put my feet back on God. After all, without Him, all is not possible. Two more weeks, bible school will commence, i am a little nervous yet looking forward to it, somehow i just know it is gonna a huge step for me, real dreams n visions will reveal to me, i will have a good clear picture of where to go from here.
Talking about the last two months, by my own measure, it has been really 'exciting n interesting'. It is like all of the sudden, life in office has come to alive, it has become interesting, fun and even more looking forward than before. haha... somehow its like a boy found his candy? oh well ... i guess i am just enjoying the moment everyday. life is good, always so good. :)
What about the day dreams? i have that all the time, just that sometimes i got it all mix up between the achievable n the bubbles, a dreamer that i am, waking up is still necessary. Goodness thing is when i wake up, i do have somewhere to go... bible school that is. :)
Third month into the year, life has been exceptionally good, or rather i should say that God has been exceptionally graceful to me. Every time when i get carried away with all the good things in life, i have to quickly remind myself to put my feet back on God. After all, without Him, all is not possible. Two more weeks, bible school will commence, i am a little nervous yet looking forward to it, somehow i just know it is gonna a huge step for me, real dreams n visions will reveal to me, i will have a good clear picture of where to go from here.
Talking about the last two months, by my own measure, it has been really 'exciting n interesting'. It is like all of the sudden, life in office has come to alive, it has become interesting, fun and even more looking forward than before. haha... somehow its like a boy found his candy? oh well ... i guess i am just enjoying the moment everyday. life is good, always so good. :)
What about the day dreams? i have that all the time, just that sometimes i got it all mix up between the achievable n the bubbles, a dreamer that i am, waking up is still necessary. Goodness thing is when i wake up, i do have somewhere to go... bible school that is. :)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
"sleepless night" from Soda green.
Today the moon is so bright
Shining on me and making me sleepless through the night
Even my hair isn’t resting
How would you know that I miss you
I hope you have the same dream -
The day that we both return together
With a love where we lean on and support each other
Inside your heart
Do I still exist?
I’m forever waiting
And feeling indignant at times.
I feel like saying I want us to fly together
To a beautiful place in our hearts
With everything
All of it placed with you
I hope you can understand.
Today the moon is so bright
Shining on me and making me sleepless
Like a dying fish in a garden
How would you know that I miss you
I hope you have the same dream -
The day that we both return together
With a love where we lean on and support each other
I don’t care how much time, how much tears, how much disappointment it takes to get through it
I don’t care when you’ll return
Actually I don’t know why either, why I’m waiting like a fool
You are my only love.
Shining on me and making me sleepless through the night
Even my hair isn’t resting
How would you know that I miss you
I hope you have the same dream -
The day that we both return together
With a love where we lean on and support each other
Inside your heart
Do I still exist?
I’m forever waiting
And feeling indignant at times.
I feel like saying I want us to fly together
To a beautiful place in our hearts
With everything
All of it placed with you
I hope you can understand.
Today the moon is so bright
Shining on me and making me sleepless
Like a dying fish in a garden
How would you know that I miss you
I hope you have the same dream -
The day that we both return together
With a love where we lean on and support each other
I don’t care how much time, how much tears, how much disappointment it takes to get through it
I don’t care when you’ll return
Actually I don’t know why either, why I’m waiting like a fool
You are my only love.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
bus no 31
Drove past bus no 31 in the late evening tonight...
It is a sign of familiarity, the bus i always take to school when i was still staying in the old Kallang estate. It brought back so much memories!!!! Those younger days, when all i have to worry is my looks n not the books, of course there are also the girls and that football! We were all so young, so carefree.. so without worries.. i am envious of my younger days.
Still remember how i get happy when the ticket numbers all added up to 21, someone said then that the ticket holder will get lucky?? And the girl who taught me how to fold the little piece of it into a heart shape, which i kept that for the longest time in my wallet.. it was all silly old days, but fun!!!
Why must boys become man? we should all not age!!!
why time has to pass so unforgiving quick?
If it had been any slower, maybe i would have known all i ever want has always been around...
This bus 31 in that few seconds, is like a truck of memories, gone and never come back, only left behind the gases of exhaust...
It is a sign of familiarity, the bus i always take to school when i was still staying in the old Kallang estate. It brought back so much memories!!!! Those younger days, when all i have to worry is my looks n not the books, of course there are also the girls and that football! We were all so young, so carefree.. so without worries.. i am envious of my younger days.
Still remember how i get happy when the ticket numbers all added up to 21, someone said then that the ticket holder will get lucky?? And the girl who taught me how to fold the little piece of it into a heart shape, which i kept that for the longest time in my wallet.. it was all silly old days, but fun!!!
Why must boys become man? we should all not age!!!
why time has to pass so unforgiving quick?
If it had been any slower, maybe i would have known all i ever want has always been around...
This bus 31 in that few seconds, is like a truck of memories, gone and never come back, only left behind the gases of exhaust...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Feet on the ground
I had probably eaten a subway sandwich too fast on Monday night, and the consequence is horrid! I felt sick since Tues, vomited big time, and was weak all over till now.. plus the gas attack, my family had almost wanted to sent me to the hospital again....
It is a lousy experience, and a timely reminder to myself, i just cant take things (food) lightly like before.
Apart from feeling awfully weak, and lousy if not least, i felt handicapped! Truth is i am different, and more dependent than before, i started to have doubts over my ability to take care of others when i can hardly taking care of myself? In the moment of weakness, i know all this negative thoughts are all too common; Yet i cant help it but to doubt about absolutely everything ahead in the future. The self consciousness and insecurity are all creeping in at the same time... how in the world i can attain my dreams and happiness? And then the inferior complex started to follow too.. this is madness, once you got it started, absolutely every negative vibes just keep coming at your direction... until i had to say STOP!
I am not going to be in self-denial, all the feels are a fact, there are bad negatives but true, i cant help it; but i guess i can help myself by making the best out of everything.. It is really quite pointless to dwell with those that you cant change, but focus on what i can do with what i have left. I have been doing that of course, just the days of unwell brought my feet back to the ground once again.
well apparently i am quite easily lifted from the ground, i have this inherent ability to look up to the sky and try to touch it! The recent nights of star gazing got me further from the ground, i am a born dreamer i guess, maybe that includes day dreaming too? Anyway, having my feet back to the ground is like a reality check, it helped to put my egos and abilities on check, balance between both is necessary i figured, else the next fall will be even more painful.
3 days gone, half of the week is very much wasted in pain and discomfort, i still have the weekends! oh tomorrow is friday, i am meeting two of my docs for some discussion over my current health status. To be honest, i feel a little jittery of meeting Doc Simon, my oncologist, sometime ago he was still proposing further treatments after my op?!?! I have lots of reservation on whatever he had proposed then, hopefully tomorrow's discussion will have some break through towards my ideal conclusion. I am determined! and hopeful!
It is a lousy experience, and a timely reminder to myself, i just cant take things (food) lightly like before.
Apart from feeling awfully weak, and lousy if not least, i felt handicapped! Truth is i am different, and more dependent than before, i started to have doubts over my ability to take care of others when i can hardly taking care of myself? In the moment of weakness, i know all this negative thoughts are all too common; Yet i cant help it but to doubt about absolutely everything ahead in the future. The self consciousness and insecurity are all creeping in at the same time... how in the world i can attain my dreams and happiness? And then the inferior complex started to follow too.. this is madness, once you got it started, absolutely every negative vibes just keep coming at your direction... until i had to say STOP!
I am not going to be in self-denial, all the feels are a fact, there are bad negatives but true, i cant help it; but i guess i can help myself by making the best out of everything.. It is really quite pointless to dwell with those that you cant change, but focus on what i can do with what i have left. I have been doing that of course, just the days of unwell brought my feet back to the ground once again.
well apparently i am quite easily lifted from the ground, i have this inherent ability to look up to the sky and try to touch it! The recent nights of star gazing got me further from the ground, i am a born dreamer i guess, maybe that includes day dreaming too? Anyway, having my feet back to the ground is like a reality check, it helped to put my egos and abilities on check, balance between both is necessary i figured, else the next fall will be even more painful.
3 days gone, half of the week is very much wasted in pain and discomfort, i still have the weekends! oh tomorrow is friday, i am meeting two of my docs for some discussion over my current health status. To be honest, i feel a little jittery of meeting Doc Simon, my oncologist, sometime ago he was still proposing further treatments after my op?!?! I have lots of reservation on whatever he had proposed then, hopefully tomorrow's discussion will have some break through towards my ideal conclusion. I am determined! and hopeful!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Starry Starry night.
Recent few nights, if you were to notice, the sky is extremely clear, almost cloudless,with the night breeze, and the stars, everything seem so wonderful, life is indeed beautiful.
The idea of going to bible school for half a year is slowly settling in, i am really kind of looking forward to it. There is this sense of assurance, somehow i felt that by taking the 6 months course, i will go near God; And go near God means i will be in good hands, i will be able to cast all fears unto His hands... This coming 6 months from march, it is like a 'refuge camp' for me, and there are moments in the days, i hope i can quickly retreat into it.
Not that things are not doing well, on the contrary, work is slowly moving back to the right momentum. i am very much getting used to my 'new' body too, although at times the inconvenience gets to my nerve and drives me nuts, but i have gotten over the self-acceptance phase, moving on it is really to live the best out of this life.
These two nights of star gazing, got me into deep thoughts, (i mean i am easily into deep thoughts anyway) There are things that are within reach if i were to take the courage to stretch out my hands, yet at the same time my rationale and that little fear held me back almost immediately when i was about to move my hands. I find myself keep going back to ground zero. So guess maybe only bible school will show a way, or rather God will show a path.
Meanwhile, the nights with all shinning stars, like a symbol of destinies, endless and going into infinities..
All i wanna do now is to seek for mine, and it begins with star gazing...
The idea of going to bible school for half a year is slowly settling in, i am really kind of looking forward to it. There is this sense of assurance, somehow i felt that by taking the 6 months course, i will go near God; And go near God means i will be in good hands, i will be able to cast all fears unto His hands... This coming 6 months from march, it is like a 'refuge camp' for me, and there are moments in the days, i hope i can quickly retreat into it.
Not that things are not doing well, on the contrary, work is slowly moving back to the right momentum. i am very much getting used to my 'new' body too, although at times the inconvenience gets to my nerve and drives me nuts, but i have gotten over the self-acceptance phase, moving on it is really to live the best out of this life.
These two nights of star gazing, got me into deep thoughts, (i mean i am easily into deep thoughts anyway) There are things that are within reach if i were to take the courage to stretch out my hands, yet at the same time my rationale and that little fear held me back almost immediately when i was about to move my hands. I find myself keep going back to ground zero. So guess maybe only bible school will show a way, or rather God will show a path.
Meanwhile, the nights with all shinning stars, like a symbol of destinies, endless and going into infinities..
All i wanna do now is to seek for mine, and it begins with star gazing...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The seventh day...
There is a TVb drama called the seventh day, it is really nice, sweet, and tells tales of the fairy kind of love story.... But this is not what i am referring tonight. I am literally referring it to today's date, 7th of January, seventh day of the new decade.
There wasn't any form of explosive kind of changes or events to set the new year going, it is just another year... Quiet days are a blessing by itself too of course.
Tomorrow will be the final day of the company's full day event, there are a little highlight here and there, else it was seriously quite boring though.
Had a nice dinner with dap n tw, guess i was really tired, so naturally i got a little quiet; but it was always enjoyable to have them around, simply because we are such old friends already, that is a blessing! And as the years unfold, the more i cherish them... :) these girls are one of the best gifts i have in life.
After being away from work for so long, it sure feels good to be able to hang around with the fun people in office. And there is this young and energetic one new comer that is always giggling, smiling, and her every moves are extremely animated, there is absolutely no way that you can escape her infectious spirit.. this might sound funny, but even when she's half crying, i had to hold back funny bones.. she's is just so animated la...
i guess i have found my match, i am not the loudest in the office after all... haha... that is welcome of course, besides i always love a company, in this case, another happy voice to echo mine!
A late text got my heart jumped two beats...n then it started to sink cos it got heavy! I don't like it naturally.. then again, there is really nothing i can do about it... It takes patience to walk out the maze... well actually, it is still relatively 'trivial' at this stage, so no much thoughts should be placed on it, IF i can help it? Duh..
It is midnight now, the world should get some rest, so am i! good night world... :)
There wasn't any form of explosive kind of changes or events to set the new year going, it is just another year... Quiet days are a blessing by itself too of course.
Tomorrow will be the final day of the company's full day event, there are a little highlight here and there, else it was seriously quite boring though.
Had a nice dinner with dap n tw, guess i was really tired, so naturally i got a little quiet; but it was always enjoyable to have them around, simply because we are such old friends already, that is a blessing! And as the years unfold, the more i cherish them... :) these girls are one of the best gifts i have in life.
After being away from work for so long, it sure feels good to be able to hang around with the fun people in office. And there is this young and energetic one new comer that is always giggling, smiling, and her every moves are extremely animated, there is absolutely no way that you can escape her infectious spirit.. this might sound funny, but even when she's half crying, i had to hold back funny bones.. she's is just so animated la...
i guess i have found my match, i am not the loudest in the office after all... haha... that is welcome of course, besides i always love a company, in this case, another happy voice to echo mine!
A late text got my heart jumped two beats...n then it started to sink cos it got heavy! I don't like it naturally.. then again, there is really nothing i can do about it... It takes patience to walk out the maze... well actually, it is still relatively 'trivial' at this stage, so no much thoughts should be placed on it, IF i can help it? Duh..
It is midnight now, the world should get some rest, so am i! good night world... :)
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Little Confession
I need to confess something, something what i deemed trivial but when i am asked, i felt embarrassed actually.
As a driver, tearing coupons is part and parcel of life everyday, very often for the convenience, i will just fold the coupons instead of tearing it, the act by itself is fine of course, just that many times i find myself reusing them... bad huh? not that i think too much of it really, to me it was me acting on mine little intelligence to 'out-law' the rules and save a few dollars..
Until last night, a question was popped to me " are u cheating?" Uh oh... not good, i was caught unprepared by it, what was always trivial and unimportant to me, got me red faced... matter of fact is it is an act of cheating isn't it? so much of my righteousness huh!?! Argh... embarrassed as i was, it set me thinking... a man's character should be consistent in ALL area of his life, however trivial or unimportant it might be.. in this case i have failed i think. But i am thankful, it is a timely reminder, it not too late to amend and stop the 'little devil' in me from committing 'crimes' like that... Phew ...
The first good change in 2010, true that a few dozen more dollars to add to the government's revenue, but i am the ultimate winner am i not? :)
As a driver, tearing coupons is part and parcel of life everyday, very often for the convenience, i will just fold the coupons instead of tearing it, the act by itself is fine of course, just that many times i find myself reusing them... bad huh? not that i think too much of it really, to me it was me acting on mine little intelligence to 'out-law' the rules and save a few dollars..
Until last night, a question was popped to me " are u cheating?" Uh oh... not good, i was caught unprepared by it, what was always trivial and unimportant to me, got me red faced... matter of fact is it is an act of cheating isn't it? so much of my righteousness huh!?! Argh... embarrassed as i was, it set me thinking... a man's character should be consistent in ALL area of his life, however trivial or unimportant it might be.. in this case i have failed i think. But i am thankful, it is a timely reminder, it not too late to amend and stop the 'little devil' in me from committing 'crimes' like that... Phew ...
The first good change in 2010, true that a few dozen more dollars to add to the government's revenue, but i am the ultimate winner am i not? :)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The song that keeps ringing in my head e whole night!
心若倦了 泪也干了
这份深情 难舍难了
曾经拥有 天荒地老
已不见你 暮暮与朝朝
这一份情 永远难了
愿来生 还能再度拥抱
爱一个人 如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切 我不知道
Chorus:
回忆过去 痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来 拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了 情难了
这份深情 难舍难了
曾经拥有 天荒地老
已不见你 暮暮与朝朝
这一份情 永远难了
愿来生 还能再度拥抱
爱一个人 如何厮守到老
怎样面对一切 我不知道
Chorus:
回忆过去 痛苦的相思忘不了
为何你还来 拨动我心跳
爱你怎么能了
今夜的你应该明了
缘难了 情难了
Friday, January 1, 2010
The right beginning...
It is the first day of a new decade, i was out the whole morning in a friends wedding entourage, and soon will be off to the hotel again... Feeling kind of inadequate the whole day through, i supposed it is because after last night, i still haven't really had time to recollect my thoughts, unload the baggage and relish the new days ahead...
So it is new year finally!!! Looking back to 2009, i only have two words! Life changing!!!! And spending the last night with the one i love most is possibly the best way to round an amazing year! And no, i am not into a relationship just yet, and no too, i am not going to reveal too much as well.. haha..
Love can wait i suppose, nonetheless i cant mask the little disappointment too, but yes Love can wait!
There are many immediate things and event ahead that is going to keep me busy.. namely my work, learning guitar, buying a dog, going SOT... oh and going to japan!!!! I need to travel!!! I need some snow for a change! Getting my best pal to go with me seem like really remote, so i will need to open the possibilities of even going a trip of my own... but the very thot of it feels so lonely la.. well, we will see!
From today on, the immediate things i need to do is get my prayer life right on a daily basis.. and i really need to start planning my work and submit my business plan to my boss soon.. i am already late for 2 weeks.. haha...
Somethings can wait, somethings cant! Time definitely waits for no one, gotta start living the life i want, even if it is imcomplete.
So it is new year finally!!! Looking back to 2009, i only have two words! Life changing!!!! And spending the last night with the one i love most is possibly the best way to round an amazing year! And no, i am not into a relationship just yet, and no too, i am not going to reveal too much as well.. haha..
Love can wait i suppose, nonetheless i cant mask the little disappointment too, but yes Love can wait!
There are many immediate things and event ahead that is going to keep me busy.. namely my work, learning guitar, buying a dog, going SOT... oh and going to japan!!!! I need to travel!!! I need some snow for a change! Getting my best pal to go with me seem like really remote, so i will need to open the possibilities of even going a trip of my own... but the very thot of it feels so lonely la.. well, we will see!
From today on, the immediate things i need to do is get my prayer life right on a daily basis.. and i really need to start planning my work and submit my business plan to my boss soon.. i am already late for 2 weeks.. haha...
Somethings can wait, somethings cant! Time definitely waits for no one, gotta start living the life i want, even if it is imcomplete.
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